a card pulled
The Earthstar slightly aloof in the lower right is the progenitor of the others climbing the ladder of life upon the spine of a Sword Fern. Removing the humans1 from these cards it becomes a wonderful thought experiment to explore species-unique manifestations of wealth. What do you think an Earthstar would see as successful gain from hard work? <from the accompanying guide book>
a prayer
What if there isn’t a way out of this mess? What if this is the world, both wondrous and awful, and it isn’t progressing towards somewhere better or more ideal? What if nothing is “progressing” towards anything at all—but is only ever a constant mutation?
What if the story of human progress, with its collecting of favored data points and prodding of hope, constantly leading to somewhere truer and more pure—to salvation—is just hype? A lullaby to appease us (or keep us hungry). A wishful thought. At worst, a lie.
What if the circle of life is just that—a circle; round and round, eating itself, going nowhere. What if despite our long held beliefs, we don’t exist on a line (a correct path) going in a certain direction (towards the singularity)? What if there is no profound endpoint in which it all comes together and stops being messy and sometimes horrifying?
What if the process of life (evolution) is more like an inhale and an exhale of all that is, then isn’t, rather than a cumulative fairy tale for human consciousness? I’m beginning to view life as more of a seasonal occurrence, a fruitful bloom always met with its own decay. No longer is it looking like the sapiens are a main character in an unfolding story where we are the hero of our own villiany.
What if this is life? Wrought with its violence, and competition, and instability, as well as its mutualism, beauty, and poetry. What if all that is is freedom? What if freedom means only—malleability (for better or worse)?
Would you love life less? Feel somehow slighted from its void of overarching purpose. Could you open to life more? Become available to the awe of the most minute details, ever so fleeting.
Everything transmutes and nothing lasts. We “solve” one thing, then another thing breaks down. There is no final resting place, things come together and they fall apart. The ecological niche shifts beneath and all around us, guiding our feet, though we think it is our heads calling all of the shots, which we then (falsely) deem worthy of all the praise or blame. I’m here to beg the question—what if all the responsibility of saving and creating the world is not ours—not alone? What if me being shaped and me shaping are actually no different? What if more is happening than meets our eye, than is perceivable by our egos, than is in our control; what if this is not cowardice to admit, and is in fact the truth (at least closer to it) and is okay?
I want to nourish more honest and well rounded stories. Stories of collapse as much as organization. Stories of malleability and trust and surrender over battle and gain. Must we continue on with the exhausted fables of human triumph and progress (see: the heroes journey) in order to engage with life and align with our morals? I would argue we don’t. I would argue this is what we’ve been doing for the last few centuries, progress becoming the secular replacement for God, and it largely sweeps over the gross destruction that accompanies such human heroism, which actually in turn bankrupts our “morals”. Where are the stories of mutualism, decay, and regeneration?2
I’m truly exhausted of being told it us up to us to “save the world”, when I was never quite sold on the fact that we were the ones actually ruling it. So often we mistake our fortresses and the rapid advancements in technology for our own progress as a biological species. So often we forget the rest of the world is happening with us, not solely because of us. Did you know insects out number humans by billions upon billions?— estimated 10 quintillion insects on Earth! Did you know there are trees thousands of years old?—older than capitalism! Did you know the planet has wiped life from her face countless times? We should be no different. Earth’s surface has been both habitable and wildly uninhabitable, not just for humans but for various life forms, depending which year you point to of the billions. What if we are just another precious event, not here to prove a point or reach some human-centered-fruition, but just… because.
Everything in flux. And you too will alter in the whirl and perish, and the world as well.3
Hanging in my room I have written on a post it: Be ambitious like the universe is ambitious, with no attachment. I wrote it a few years ago after reading Marcus Aurelius’s ‘Meditations’, but it only feels so relevant now. Moving forward my work as a human, which is to say an artist, is not to save anything (ie. desiring that which remains, to make my mark), but to practice emptying myself (of my attachments) as often as possible so that I may be a conduit for malleability (which I inherently am).
I want us to consider that our relationship to human progress (individually and collectively) may be false or only partially true. I want us to consider that we’ve been taught to uphold the fundamentally limited and flawed structures of society instead of one another; instead of the other species; instead of the ecosystems we inhabit, and that this will always fail. I want us to remember that we are foremost malleable; that this is what freedom actually is—ability to change and be changed—and to not mistake it for its familiar, yet corrupted facades of control and dominion.
a poem
I can sense it
Something important
Is about to happen
It's coming up
It takes courage to enjoy it
The hardcore and the gentle
Big time sensuality
We just met
And I know i'm a bit too intimate
But something huge is coming up
And we're both included
It takes courage to enjoy it
The hardcore and the gentle
Big time sensuality
I don't know my future after this weekend
And I don't want to
It takes courage to enjoy it
The hardcore and the gentle
Big time sensuality
Sensuality
-Bjork (the song is linked above—it's genius)
the unconscious
on my mind
I highly recommend listening to this talk by Alan Watts on The Quaking Mess. If you can, put it on headphones and go for a long, meandering walk.
My boyfriend, who loves mushrooms of all kinds, bought me this amazing tarot deck which offers perspectives for every card through the lens of nature. It’s helping me learn a new language within tarot—a non-human centric one—and it’s great fun (and perfect for today’s ritual).
Marcus Aurelius Meditations 9:19
And the talk, such a classic
Love it and esp the prayer bunny 🐰